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Showing posts from July, 2019

The Beach, the Breakdown, and the Last Thirty Days

In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I had a breakdown.

Miyazaki is beautiful this time of year. The tropical prefecture is stunning no matter where you go, but I can’t imagine a beach more beautiful than the one I went to. It’s on a private resort in a cove, walled in on all sides by tall mountains covered in banana plants and palm trees. Schools of long silver fish swim around in the emerald-green waters and roll along in the gentle waves. 

Standing in the surf and taking it all in, I started to feel the first inklings of the darkness to come.


To be fair, I don’t know what actually constitutes a “breakdown” - a lot of googling led me to WebMD articles and armchair psychiatrists who gave me mixed examples of the symptoms to look out for. All I know is, something inside of me snapped once the sun went down, and I ended up in bed for the rest of the night.

I went there to have fun. Instead I ended up sobbing into a futon until I fell asleep.

In the midst of my crying a …